day not off

dear Horse Racing Digest man,
I’m not trying to be over exuberant about AA, but I really think you should try laying off the sauce. Let’s start with your opener, “you look nice tonight” in a library at 10:15 on a Saturday morning is not an auspicious beginning.
Then, moving on to your question, which having to do with the loss of your wallet, where you were carrying a prepaid Visa and your Social Security card, do not bode well.
Thirdly, while I search for the eight hundred number so you can contact your credit card company, please do not continue talking to me. Also refrain from jumping to and from the desk flailing your arms mimicking the “bass playing” you’re going to “film for Led Zeppelin.” Ah yes, you’re going to aim the camera at a mirror, and the specs about your speakers, yes, I see.
I’m not judging your “bass playing.” It’s how you’re going to set up a studio and burn DVDs that creates my skepticism.
Forgive me, only that it is nigh on physically impossible for you to type a number into a square on a computer screen to claim your reservation, the visual of you setting up a complex computer aided recording system does not come easily to mind.
At first I kind of liked you, no, not in that way, just that we both prefer California, and the races, and all.
But the fact that you had almost memorized the telephone number to your credit card company? The bouncing? The painful, recent, sores on your feet and your decibel level, have caused me to put you on the least favorite patron menu with Mr. “help me copy these obituaries” and his offensive scarf, and, to use Tizzy’s moniker, Ms. “waistband at copier.”
I’m sorry HRD man but your tour ends here.
Sar